What is the “Cost of Admission”?

The “Cost of Admission” refers to the idea that every relationship has certain unavoidable challenges or quirks that each partner brings to the table. This term was coined by a relationship expert named Dan Savage. These can be minor annoyances or significant personality traits that, while not deal-breakers, require acceptance and tolerance from the other partner. Essentially, it’s the price we pay to be in a relationship with someone we love. He shared the following in his video of explaining “The Cost of Admission” as follows:

“There is no settling down without some settling for. There is no long-term relationship not just putting up with your partner’s flaws, but accepting them and then pretending they aren’t there. We like to call it in my house “paying the price of admission.” – Dan Savage (2011)

“You can’t have a long-term relationship with someone unless you’re willing to identify the prices of admission you’re willing to pay — and the ones you’re not…” – Dan Savage (2011)

The Price of Admission Video by Dan Savage

Why is the Cost of Admission Important?

  1. Promotes Realistic Expectations:
    Understanding that no relationship is perfect helps partners maintain realistic expectations. By acknowledging that everyone has flaws, couples can focus on appreciating each other’s strengths rather than fixating on imperfections.
  2. Encourages Acceptance and Tolerance:
    Accepting the cost of admission means recognizing and tolerating your partner’s quirks and imperfections. This acceptance is fundamental to building a compassionate and empathetic relationship.
  3. Reduces Conflict:
    Many relationship conflicts arise from attempts to change one another. By embracing the cost of admission, couples can reduce these conflicts and instead focus on finding harmonious ways to live with each other’s differences.
  4. Enhances Communication:
    Discussing and acknowledging the cost of admission opens lines of communication. It allows couples to express what they find challenging and work together to manage these aspects of their relationship.

Discussing and acknowledging the cost of admission opens lines of communication. It allows couples to express what they find challenging and work together to manage these aspects of their relationship.

By Madison C. Christensen, LMFT

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